Elliot Memorial Sermon by Pastor. Palle Flyger
Dear Agnes and Jeppe!
Now we are here, at the beginning of the journey of the great goodbye to your son Elliot.
Everything went fine with the pregnancy, you did well, and there were no signs of anything wrong. The doctors and the midwife were all happy. You had plenty of reasons to dream and live in great anticipation. From when you found out you were pregnant until Tuesday the 25th of February, When you went for an appointment with the midwife.
Agnes, you had a strange feeling on Sunday, and when you went to bed, you sang a song, you didn’t usually sing for Elliot that you carried in your bosom. You Sang, Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King – that’s Jesus. Soon and very soon!
It was like unknowingly preparing yourself for tomorrow. It was as if God prompted you to proclaim in confidence and with joyous longing, what will be a reality. That we, meaning Elliot, you and Jeppe – will be with Jesus one day in heaven. It was God prompting you to embrace reality the day after, which is not easily acceptable.
Because, how is it possible to accept that your Elliot never saw the light of day? How is it possible to embrace a reality that seems so unfair, cruel, and unjust that his life should end so suddenly? God knew, didn’t he? God knew what reality you would wake up to face the next morning.
Although you didn’t find Elliot kicking as normal, you had a sense of movement. You were to find out that it was movement caused by gravity as you moved around.
So you were unprepared, and yet in your heart, it was as if, your song the night before had created a space where the hard news could land.
The midwife found no heartbeat and called a doctor in. You needed a scan to sadly confirm that all Though Elliot was still securely surrounded by your body and Jeppes loving arms. It was only his body.
It is at the same time, the saddest thing to face, losing your son, before he gets to breathe a breath. And yet, it is the safest place, the most comfortable place to end life, in the bosom of mum. Secure, safe, free of fear, doctors, hospitals, and suffering.
You got the experience of giving birth, but not as you had prayed and hoped for. There was no baby’s cry. Elliot came out and was given to you, with his little hand under his chin, with the other supporting his arm. There probably are no words that can describe that moment.
It was a birth not to welcome Elliot to life, but to say a final goodbye. Normally people will ask, did the birth go well? That question is still important, although it was not birth to life, but to surrender, it was not the birth to dreams come through. It was a birth that will end the hope and anticipation you have had for your son Elliot.
And yes, the birth went well, actually much quicker to the doctor’s great surprise. You have told me it was a sense of God’s goodness to you as a couple.
The moments, the time, you have had with little Elliot, getting to touch his lifeless body, is an important time. It was important that you got to hold him, embrace him as mom and dad, recognizing you have a son. As you looked at his beautiful face, perfect body, tiny hands and fingers. You gracefully showed me a picture of your Elliot. What a beautiful, cute baby he was. You realized he is ours. Not to keep but to surrender into the hands of God the Father.
We live in a world, where bad things happen to good people. You know that life is certainly not perfect. What should have been straight turned out to be crooked.
Your first choice world of your dreams didn’t become reality. You are sort of speaking now living in a second-choice world, you have not chosen yourselves, circumstances you didn’t ask for.
The journey you know is full of paradoxes: The first reality is: You will always be a mother, Agnes, you will always be a father, Jeppe. This although Elliot is not with you. Although Elliot is not here, you will remember, his birthday, think of him in the age he would have reached had he lived. The sorrow and the missing part will be there as you remember him. Although your heart now is full of grief, you will laugh again. The birds are still singing, and the world seems to go on as if everything is still the same. The fact is, nothing is ever the same again for you. You are parents now, but parents who have lost their precious son.
“There is no getting over with” – you are forever Elliot’s parents, even though you never got to know him as you dreamed you would.
The time that is coming now, while living in the imperfect world, where bad things happened to two good people, is a time where you will find God is still there.
If God could only be in the perfect, we would be so lost. But God is to be found in your second-choice world. The Perfect, the creator of the universe. Your creator, Elliot’s creator.
The one who as David says in one of his psalms, and maybe Elliot will be saying as well :
“For you created my inmost being: You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that fully well.” … Psalm 139:13 – 14
God was with Elliot and you from the moment he was created in your womb. God formed life.
David continues: “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depth of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” V.15 – 16
The Bible tells us, that God was deeply involved in Elliot’s life. God even saw Elliot before you did. Elliot was not a mistake, He was known by God, loved by God even before life started in your womb. Elliot means Strength of the Lord. It’s also a nickname for the prophet Elijah, who was used by God to call people back to him.
It is hard to understand for us mere mortals, but God had you, had Elliot in his mind from before the creation of the universe. Just like you have Elliot on your mind, from when you found out you were pregnant.
All the thoughts you have had about life with Elliot, God has had thoughts from the beginning of time for you and Elliot.
“How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Where I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. – when I awake, I am still with you.” V. 17 – 18.
But why God? Why should Elliot not get to grow up with you?
Honestly, even if God would answer the question, we would not be satisfied. Some might even say, they don’t believe in God, because how can there be a loving God when he can allow Elliot to be taken from you?
So if the question why is not answered, and if it were, would not be satisfying for us, maybe we need to ask God another question: What now God? How can we get on with life, having suffered such great loss?
Yes, evil exists! You didn’t deserve to lose your son. No one deserves to lose a child. Yes, evil exists! But let me ask a different question: Why does love exist? Where does that love come from that exists in the middle of losing, brokenness and despair?
The Bible says: God is love, in him, there is no evil. The love you experience in your broken world is God-given.
God entered our broken world, he even entered as a baby. God came to our broken world, not as a warrior to rule by fear. But he entered the world as a helpless baby. The most fragile position a human can be in. God knows Elliot’s position, God has been there, just like he has experienced the imperfect that we as humans experience and live with it.
Apostle Paul describes in this way – it was a revelation God gave him when he pleaded with God to remove weakness in his body, that really troubled and limited him.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 cor. 12:9
The words are Gods – and it’s in the Bible, which means God wants us to understand the reality of what he has and is, way overrule the circumstances you are facing right now.
Jesus, the son of God! Came to give us life, grace, and strength for today.
God the Father, knows what it is to lose his son.
Jesus gave up his life for us, that live in our second-choice world. In circumstances, we did not choose. He died on the cross, that we may surrender everything we cannot handle ourselves. Our losses, our inadequacy, our powerlessness. He invites us to come close to him. Let him surround us like a mother’s body surrounds her unborn child. He invites us to find hope for eternity in him. He can handle our disappointments in life, disappointments with God, our anger towards God. He took it on him, as he died for us. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God.
But the story doesn’t end with death. Neither Elliot’s death nor Jesus´death.
There is a resurrection morning. There is a new time waiting.
It’s called heaven, or paradise.
Elliot is now there with Jesus, he is known by Jesus, he is loved by Jesus, and you are loved by Jesus. He is waiting for you in your heavenly home.
So even though Elliot will be buried in the ground. It is only an empty shell, his spirit is with Jesus in the heavenly place. And you will meet again.
And he with the saints that have gone before roods you on:
God’s grace is sufficient for you, for his power, is made perfect in weakness.
( 2. Kor. 12:9)
God is for you, who then can be against. He who did not spare his only son, but gave him up for us all, he will give you all you need. ( 1.kor 8:31b – 32)
