Dear J, 

You are a wonderful husband and today, I see you as a loving father. 

You were a father when I screamed your name, seeing the second line on a stick, when we stood in awe, what it all meant. You were a father when you never failed to ask every morning “How is little Elliot doing?”. You were a father when you fell asleep every night wrapping your hands around me and your son who was safe in the most sacred place. When you patiently wait for him to kick so you can feel it.

You were a father when our world was crashing down when the words were uttered, “Sorry, there is no heartbeat. Your son died.” People said that you don’t speak much and yet you were my voice, my words when tears were only my language.

You were a loving husband when you held me strong when the contractions hit me. You were a gentle husband when I heard you the loudest, chanting words of support, holding my hands as I breathed your son earthside in silence.

But you were a loving father when I witnessed your face filled with pride and love when you carefully held our boy. When you tried to memorize every little feature of him. I saw your tears swell, and as you shut your eyes, they rolled down on your cheeks and sat on his cold skin.

You are a caring husband when you lend your shoulders for me, and stand strong even when you are weak. You were a loving father when you walked the same aisle with the cold body of our son placed in the tiniest coffin. And as you held him, you also held my heart.

I love how you still parent Elliot, by hanging his pictures proudly on our walls, picking up the headstone, whispering words of love every day, and telling Elliot how much you miss him.

Now, your fatherhood looks so different and many don’t see it. But, I see you, your love, your pride, your silent tears, and your screams. And, I love you more when I see you as a proud father of my child. 

I am wishing you a gentle father’s day!